How To Deal With Disappointment
….and why you should have a one night stand with him (as in, ah-hem, Mr. Disappointment)…..
I’ve recently talked about the importance of asking for what you want and putting your desires truly ‘out there’. Although most of the time we’ll be amazed at the positive results that come our way, there are naturally times when things don’t work out quite how we hoped and we feel pretty damn disappointed.
This is especially true when it comes to building your own business/ changing career which is all about opening yourself up and pursuing opportunities that are genuinely exciting to you. We put all our hearts and souls into pursuing the success we want that when that press release falls on deaf ears or we don't make it past that interview we can get well and truly lost in disappointment ville.
This is something that’s been close to my heart over the last few weeks. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say a fantastic opportunity came my way entirely out of the blue (which made it even more exciting!) What made the disappointment pang so raw is that I got so far down the (long) path to getting what I wanted only to fall at the last hurdle. I felt totally crushed, and yet I knew I had to get my act together otherwise I’d let it get me seriously off track.
Below are my top tips for bouncing back from disappointment stronger, savvier and more determined than ever….
Delve into your disappointment and have a conversation.
When we’re disappointed, I mean really disappointed, it shows that we really deeply wanted something. It’s actually a positive sign, because it’s signalling to you that you’re on the right track to building a life that’s going to make you tick (If you didn’t get disappointed you wouldn’t care which would be a worrying and rather sad little existence….)
So rather than ignore your feelings, ask yourself the following questions:
What is it that’s made me so disappointed?
What’s the thing (let’s call it X) I’m missing by not getting what I wanted?
That ‘thing’ (X) is the very thing you deeply want and need to keep as a clear intention to aim for. In this way, your disappointment can reveal new insights into what’s really important to you which is vital to shape a more juicy and fulfilling life.
Go Gratitude Crazy
Once you’ve spent some time getting down and dirty with your disappointment, it’s time to boot him out (think of it like a one night stand- once you’ve got what you need out of him you can let him go ) The best way to do this is by refocusing on everything you already have that you're truly grateful for- successes you’ve achieved (that are often out shadowed by the gloom of your recent disappointment), qualities and strengths that make you feel good about you and the people and things you value in your life. This will instantly lift your energy and seriously rekindle your inner sizzle. I also recommend you buy a gratitude journal and make writing in it a daily practice (trust me you'll be addicted after a few days and it's a lot healthier than that feel good glass of vino:) ) Mine's now a handbag staple.
Jam out your positive checklist
Although this might feel impossible at the time, it’s helpful to put pen to paper (or finger to ipad) and 'jam out' the positive things that have come up because of your recent disappointment. The fact that you have learnt something about yourself and what is really important to you is likely to be one of them. You’ve probably built your skills and knowledge in some way and have you considered that this disappointment happened for a reason? There’s likely to be an even bigger, better opportunity just around the corner. JK Rowling got rejected over and over again before she got published, but perhaps if she’d gone with a different publisher she would never have got the exposure and level of success she has now ? Trust in your path and that you’ll get to where you want to in the end, even if the journey is not panning out how you imagined (they call it a 'journey' for a reason )
Remember: Disappointment is a part of the journey to success
Some of the most successful women today have been hit by disappointment time and time again. As I've already mentioned above JK Rowling was rejected many times before striking gold and is known for speaking eloquently about how important failure was to lining out the pathway to her eventual success. Aiming high and going for what you want isn't easy but if it were, it wouldn't taste so delicious when we finally get what we want. As the saying goes:
“If You Can Find A Path With No Obstacles It Probably Doesn’t Lead Anywhere”