How To Stop Taking Everything So Personally
If you follow me on Facebook, you may recall that earlier in the week I shared a quote by Dita Von Teese that made me smile. It read:
“ You Can Be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world but there will still be people that don’t like peaches”
Here’s a fact: No matter how incredible your services/ products are, how compelling your brand is and damn charming and lovely you are as a person, you’re just not going to be everyone’s cuppa tea.
Why is this important?
Because I see so many women, especially at the early stages of building their business, taking what they see as 'rejection' personally. They think "That journalist isn’t interested in my press release, that customer isn’t taking up my proposal- there must be something WRONG with me”
Just at the time when they need to be getting all fired up and acting from a place of inner power and self-confidence, they feel suffocated with toxic self-doubt. It's really not helpful and does not serve their higher purpose.
What I’ve learned both from my own personal experience of building my coaching business and training in the field of personal development, is that it’s all about perspective.
When you judge a situation and think “there must be something wrong with me” you’re jumping to the most disempowering, soul crushing conclusion. Really you want to switch perspectives and look at it from the most enlightening- and helpful-angle.
I'm going to show you a great simple strategy you can use to do this.
First I want to ask you- has something happened (or is happening) recently in your business that’s got you questioning how good you and your business really are?
Perhaps a client proposal didn't go through or you got lots of people unsubscribe from your last newsletter? Or maybe it’s just genuinely dead quiet and you feel like a lost and confused teenager who didn't get invited to the party?
You know what, there may well be a very valuable business lesson to be learned from the situation- but it has no reflection on you personally- your potential and inner brilliance. The lesson is there for you to learn from if you can just get over beating yourself up for being in the situation in the first place.
Here’s what you do.
1) Identify the situation that’s bothering you and making you doubt yourself. So maybe you have a general feeling of inadequacy as you're not getting the momentum that you want in your business but get specific as to what's causing this lull and as a result, the unhelpful feelings
2) Imagine you’re outside of your body, looking down at yourself and the situation from the ceiling or a mountain top. This is a really powerful way to remove the emotional intensity you feel that is blocking you from getting the real insight that will help you move forward.
3) From this perspective, jot down the real reasons why this situation has occurred ( and no, "I’m just not good enough" is NOT one of them) So for example- the fact that it's dead quiet doesn't mean you're rubbish at what you're doing- but it may mean that you need reinvigorate your business development strategy/ look closely at your market and how your positioning yourself etc...
4) Take away at least one action point you can implement to turn the situation around and prevent it from happening in the future. This shows you’re identifying the lesson and are using it for your advantage rather as an excuse for self- attack.
Another great thing to do is to take yourself to a new environment away from the day to day setting- quite literally embodying the concept of changing perspective! Ideally you want to go somewhere you feel inspired and centred. For example, I love walking in nature because I always find I feel plugged into some deeper force, sparking clarity and getting me reconnected to my biggest purpose and life's vision. In this place, problems turn into opportunities - and I never force it. It's why having breaks away from your business is sooo vital.
Let’s just go back to peaches analogy for a sec (I mean the fruit kind )
In a business context, if you’re selling peaches, you wanna pitch up where people are craving peaches. This is all about cleverly carving out your proposition for a hot market.
However, even if you're set up on a market of peach lovers, there will still be those that decide that "you know what, I fancy having an apple today instead". Or they get a stomach upset because they're too peached-out. Or they simply don’t have time to eat a peach today, no matter how much they're craving one.
What am I trying to get at? You can’t win over everyone, 100% off the time. There will be some knock-backs, but it doesn’t mean your peach is rotten. Take it with a pinch of salt, learn from any business lessons that are there to be learned, and keep growing & nurturing your peaches
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